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you learn something new everyday....Ive learned [24 Jan 2005|03:14am]
fucking awesome had the most greatest fone conversation had to mankind with a friend id have had in a long time, i was on the fone for like atleast 3 1/2 hours with, i was on the fone with Lisa. dude i was fucking nerveous. you know Lj drama it happens to the best of us, but was never meant to happen to me. for the life of me could not get this e-mail to work. so i got enough balls to call her, because to my knowledge we werent talking very nicely for a while to come. well i called her, had her not talk to let me get the stuff off my chest from last nite, to know, from like fucking 3 years ago. i let everything out. and that took like 20 minutes. and then the rest was talking about anything, anyone and everything and everyone...mostly love that was there, love that has always been there, love that shouldnt be there, and love that will come.Dude my fucking grandma was right when she said you learn something everyday. i learned today that when you connect, form a bond with somoene you can not talk for several years (did it, Lisa and Niki), if there is a bond, things can go back to as comfortable as they were before, if not more. look at now im living wiht niki.

Ive also learned that Love love is a tricky, but wonderful thing,when i find love true, meaningful, i love you, you love me back love, i dont want to live for them, i dont want to live because of them, i want to live with them. im not talking about sharing a bed or sharing a house, im talking about living our own lives but sharing them. having friends but sharing them as well...not meaning his friends are mine and those are my only friends but we both contribute, we both bring friends. and my friends are great. its Like Adam and Niki. i dont want to base my relationship to come on anyone elses but on that aspect i do. Adams best friend, over all the time, we talk and he has conversations with me, and more than me (because the earth doesnt revolve around me) but Niki he talks to her, me being Nikis best friend I talk to Adam. is it like her past relationships were i talk to them but only when shes in the room and only about her, and stuff no. its not like that. its so weird. see thinking about it my dream relationship would be a person that has atleast one quality from all my friends, and have one quality from my friends best relationship. the friends factor with Nikis and Adams and the comfort factor with someone elses *AHEM*.

relationships in general...ive learned people grow up, but the most important friendships you keep are the ones that can survive the growing. my beliefs are nobody stops growin mentality wise....theres always something new to learn. Frienships, the good ones fight, they always do, but thats because slowly people grow up, and the good friends fight and argue, but thats because there are bumps in the road like people adjusting for them selves, and frienships adjusting into the changes the other person has gone through. those are my friends. im an adjuster.

oh and fucking guess what, Lisa is gonna spend a day with me, Lisa and Jake day. I wanna meet the someone shes getting close to and she wants to meet the dave that i talk so highly of, she might take me to go see him this week, excited. and before that, no matter what dave or not, (which hope dave), she said we'd have some "time" for us. i wanna talk to her face to face, this sounds weird but i hope i cry. anyways, i just dont want to meet our close people on the same day, way to weird. already gotta fucking go. peace out...!

OK so i fucked up, wanted to do something really sweet...i wanted to call Chantal after Midnite, her fucking birthdays today. umm butt i ws on the the fone with Lisa until 3 am. im not calling her this late because she has things to do during her day. but umm its her birthday. im making sure i call her because i love her. but i wanted to be the first. i know im not be the first to comment in her e-mail, and i problee wont be the first to call her, but ill be the first to write her in an entry on the day...beat that fucker!
2 kiss*s| kiss me

[21 Jan 2005|10:26pm]
Dave..ah...what do i say, it was a rough nite last nite thats what i say about him. last nite we wanted to see each other it wasnt working our way. i got into a fight with him, niki, mom and adam. it was awful i went fucking psyco. i swear i feel so bad, things blew outta control with me and niki i know that for fucking damn sure. so then i went and dave said something that took me off guard and then him and his friend came and got me, we smoke and then went to bed and watched a movie and cuddled all nite and it was great. i really like him. the weird part was earlier in the day he tells me he just wants to be friends. well it seemed like we were more than friends last nite, it always fucking happens to me. anyways i had a wonderful nite with him, and then ahd a wonderful morning/mid after noon. and and, I got a fucking Valentine, i still hate the fucking day because its love and all about love and i dont have it. but im still not going to be alone. im going to have a wodnerful evening with a good guy. its gonna be good i hope!

I dont know why but i really fucking like him. like i dont know why either, should i? i dont know if its going to go anywhere. hey im young enough right, whys it matter. its not like im having sex with the guy (its not sarcasm arent you proud) im not giving up anything but the way i feel. right. I dont know everythings whatever. im having samantha and Niki day tomorrow and we're going to ahve a blast. im kinda pissed he didnt call like he said he would when he dropped me off today but owell he cares about me, he said so. i know people are thinking, people say alot of things, but i can tell, and why wouldnt he. im a good guy. whatever. things are retarded!
2 kiss*s| kiss me

[20 Jan 2005|02:54pm]
i dont feel good im tired as hell, im waiting for dave to call, daves suposed to call today he promised, im waiting until 5 and if he doesnt call well then im getting outta bed and doing something because after five are tons and tons of opprotunities. ima get a homeboy goin.

SO yea i feel like shit, i look like shit, i dont know maybee i am shit. lol.im gonna go in a minute and watch a movie, lay down in bed. ya know everytime im sick im single. i want to have a boyfriend for these times that wont fight with me, and will rub my head and feed me soup and cuddle and watch movies with me, and stay there holding me as im sleeping. and tell me it'll me ok. im about to get really depressed. and in a couple weeks you'll see me depressed, it'll be a Monday febuary 14, and ha a fucking loser will be doing nothing but sitting at home, because ive not got a boyfriend. I swear im gonna find drugs, any which way i will find drugs to be fucked up that whole week or sleep taht whole week so that i dont have to deal with valentines day i dont ahve to deal with the depression and i dont ahve to deal with the "happy valentines days" or Not getting them. IM like the scrooge of all holidays when im single its sickening. i hate it but its the way i am. !
kiss me

dude [19 Jan 2005|07:49pm]
dude im fucking at ashleys house with fucking alyssa and Ashley, dude ive had the fucking dopest time here. when i got here Ashleys friend Brittany was here and we played spoons, and then Brittany went home and we played sorry and pretty pretty princess (i know fag) but i had a fucking good time. and Ashley let me practice on her, i did her hair and make up and it looks hella hott...whoop whoop, yea im the pimpest fucker ever. I think im gangsta. i love usher and yea. i was dancin and it was great. i love hangin out with my homies because it brings out the fun goofy side ine me. im not depressed...whoot whoot. yea whateever. i have no cigarettes. i think that might be a good thing, it is a good thing. maybee i will quit.

So i went and officially dropped out, now im realy for beauty school, hair, makeup, here i c ome. ima tear up da scene. ya know ive realized im one of akind. no matter how much shit i do or how boring i am nobody can be me. im like eminem. Nobody could ever be like him, and thats that.

I am whatever you say i am
if i wasnt then why would i say i am
in livejournal and life everyday i am
i dont know thats just the way i am!

word...biotch im fuckin out...doggin out..dog.

I Am Pretty Pretty Princess!
1 kiss*| kiss me

sour Pickle Eh? [18 Jan 2005|11:26pm]
Your Porn Star Name is: Sour Pickle

Is this bad? i dont know what it means? green is my favorite color, but is sour good, ive never had any complaints. umm whatever me and my "sour Pickle" are going to bed. and if i ever were a stripper, my name would not be sour pickle for your information. maybee sour bottom or something, thats tight...lol...get it sour bottom thats tight. anyways as im a fucking weirdo and get dilusional. im going to bed nite nite!
1 kiss*| kiss me

[18 Jan 2005|12:14pm]
I DID it, i went to AAW and i dropped out, or my mom did it for me. i sorta snuck off and saw everyone, although i didnt see the people i wanted to see. Rob wasnt there, Lynda was MIA, Kalonji...now him i didnt really want to talk to him, just see if he'll talk to me, Annie i couldnt interupt class. but whatever i saw Lauren, and Michelle and Emma, and Joenelle. omfg joenelle is so fucking whatever i miss her. Last nite when i was sitting here, thinking (and ive also come to the conclusion i think too much) and i really miss rob. Ya know and now it could work out, if he just got his fucking license. he could spend the nite, here i could spend the nite there. it could work out. and i thought about it too but robs the biggest compitition anyone that wants to date me has. Yea i was in love with todd, no doubt and yea id always want todd but ill never ever go back to him, Now Rob, thats a different situation, because i would get back with rob. he was the most wonderful guy in the world...when we were together, but so was todd...so i thought. Never mind maybee i wouldnt get back with any of them they are my EX for a reason right. i go through periods where i think of my ex's and i have to friends, one that yells at me for thinking about todd, and one that yells at me for rob (you know who you are...). My friends got myback.

So Anyways whatever. im whatever, its all whatever, whatever. I love the word whatever. its just whatever, and thats hott... and blah blah blah. i want to be a mix between simple life, clueless, and never been kissed. those are some great movies. Im hott and airheaded like paris, nicole and cher, and diona dn Tye, but im also sometimes smart/stupid like josey from never been kissed and i wanna be a writer. im a freak i know but whatever. im gonana write a fun book about it. ya know and maybee it can be the best stellar movie that people watche when they have sleep overs or is on Usa on the weekends and blah blah blah!
1 kiss*| kiss me

ready or not here Jakes done! [18 Jan 2005|10:34am]
im stressed out. Im leaving AAW Ya know there are a couple things, i thought about while laying in bed last nite when i couldnt sleep: 1) Last Year AAW was like a home, it was the best school enviorment ive ever been in. it was Great. 2) Im scared im closing the High school door and opening the real world door, and its official now, theres nobody to help me if i screw up. if i loose, im a loser! 3) Theres Rob, rob helped me get through what i did of high school, and he brought the drama to my life. im making it a priority to find him today and hope that hes in school and if i dont find him, ill find someone in that school that has his number so that i can get it and call him and blah blah blah, and im not going to finish any more about that!

Everythings changing im so scared. i like change i really do but only sometimes. and sometimes in these changes i dont know what to do. i dont know how to adjust react. we alll go through it though with some situation, one way or another!
kiss me

forgetting everything [17 Jan 2005|04:46pm]
this last week monday to monday i am forgetting, escpecially thursday through sunday and the arguements ive had with dave. its all really hazy the friday-sunday, but i know i dont want to remember ya know, trying to push it away, get it out of my head...out of my mind! This weekend im going to party, but not as hard, theres going to be a lil get together for samantha with us and her and the homies. ya know..its my girls birthday live it up! and then saturday im going to MIkes house he invited me saturday, i hope that Bryan and Steve go, Bryan is...well Bryan and Steve was a really funnie guy. umm it should be off the hook, in the mean time, jAke-O's gotta look for a job...but im being lazy and gay and i think its too cold to walk around the city of roseville and look for a fucking job, F** that! Ya know i wouldnt mind being a tele marketer and talking on the phones all the day long...it might be hella hype. i love tlaking to them on the other end of the phone why not be on the end giving the service? how old do you have to be to do that? maybee i can do the whole 1900 number thing...or be a stripper...something easy and fun, just until i ge through school you know!

i wish life was alot easier, i know everyone does, but i just want some rich man to take me in and take care of me no strings attached until i get done with school and still let me live life, not be my parent just my care giver, thatd be nice. i deserve it, im nice, beautiful, a caring person, strong willed, and blah blah blah. im the boy cinderella, and one day a prince charming will take me away to his castle and love me, and take care of me, and show me the world be cause i deserve it.. i just gotta be patient...

i hope thats all it takes!
2 kiss*s| kiss me

going to bed nice ending [16 Jan 2005|07:46am]
i will be the only one that gets this hopefully still in the morning. i havent slept since i think thursday nite, so everythings still alit hazy and cloudy like this whole week never happend, and thats how i want it, i dont want no more this week. confusing thursdays, sick fridays, and never go to sleep sat and sun, and final going to sleep all my worries away, in room i call with a bed for me.
for i know you dont get me, and i fear nobdy will ever get me is this sick sad journal of mine i tell you if you understand. care in anyway contact the sleeping boy, the next of mornings, and start off the morning and new week (mon morning) with a new week, new long lasting frienships and alot less fights that didnt happen in this week I CHOOSE to forget. so heres me forgeting...over and out!

coming off the level, hanging up the green clouds for later!
2 kiss*s| kiss me

do i embarress you? [14 Jan 2005|02:26pm]
DO i embarress you? Do you have to make up family excuses so that you can run your game? DO you think im not old enough to handle the truth? heres alittle parody:

"Did i never treat you right?
Did i always start the fights?
I need to know what ive done wrong and how long its been going on.
you can write it in a letter
you can sing it in a song...."

"When your out in the club dont think im not,
baby when your out making love dont think im,"

thats the two songs that came to my mind and the words that i know of them. SO yesterday i had a load of fun, but before that i sat around waiting for a call and then around liek 520 i was like fuck that im still going out. SO i went out to a club and then to eat with a new friend. and then we went back to his house and watchs a movie. but i wasnt reeally intrested in that though.

Now im gonna find somewhere to stay tonite because niki wants the house alone i dont have to but i tld her i would. so thats what im going to do. hit me up or whatever!
6 kiss*s| kiss me

[13 Jan 2005|01:57pm]
i really feel like i should write in here but im so confused about everything i cant get it down. its just one of those days. but whatever its will come back to me one day and ill sing celine deion "its all coming back to me now...."
1 kiss*| kiss me

[12 Jan 2005|12:08pm]
whatever, like i said single for ever...well not forever...but until its the right time i guess...no im not looking but im not going to be a bitter fag and object to ever loving someone or letting them love me. For now im going to </i>try to just concentrate on my life and my life only. to be honest this time, i didnt really do anything wrong to not make the committment, but i still feel bad because i thought he was a really good guy and i thought that he cared about me, and i thought all these things, but it wasnt true. i shouldve known...

so i was talking to someoen from AAW last nite and they were like telling me last time they saw me i looked sick, and blah blah blah that they're worried and the was nice besides the part where her practically asking if i were on drugs or anerexic but then she went on to tell me that im going to get hurt and im not going to make it and that kinda made me mad.

ok also ive come to terms with the fact that im not in dawns wedding. i guess my big beef wsa that ive been friends with her along time i want to be apart of it, but i still am. i still am gonna help her pick or dresses and blah blah blah, itll be fun.
kiss me

[10 Jan 2005|05:44pm]
you know i think im going to not date people, just be alone all my life. ill date and flirt, but could i ever find anyone that special i want to spend the rest of my life with? if i come across someone i think i wanna be there for me for the time being ill make that committment but im not looking anymore. im done. im done letting people run my life. im done waiting for fone calls, im done getting jealous. its pointless atleast for another couple years. all the people are either out of reach, or the ones that do want me, want to control me, and thats not really my ideal relationship.

ok so i argued saturday before going to joes, i was told not to call him that nite unless i call before nine and want him to come get me. well i didnt want him to come get me and joe didnt get there til nine thirty. so thats when i called. he said hed come out to the party that i was going to, the one he didnt want to go to and i was suposed to call him when i got there. i forgot.

(saturday at joes...fucking awesome time, i saw rick and Kandi and brandon and Julia. and i met Cat, and meghan, and remet Justice. that was really nice i was open and talkative and that never happens. i had a great time. but towards the end i got depressed seing joe and rick, and cat and justice, so i called dave and and blah blah blah. and he made me feel really good, he was going to go to the party. so then we went back to joes houes and got ready...me ricky and joe in the bathroom....together that was hott..and really GAY)

(saturday nite... scott came and got us and we headed to mikes in westland with his friend rookie, joe, rick and me. i got there and it was so nice, as soon as i walked in i saw everyone gave mike a hug, and lil matt, and khristo and other scott, and jeff and ryan...then i said hi to Bryan and met his friend steve, the was dope. i had a great nite hung out with bryan the whole nite, saw Jill there...i danced with joe, rick, Jill, Mike, ryan, other mike, scott, and rookie, stever and a bunch of people, but i mostly hung out with Bryan, i love that kid, i miss him to. i wish i could see him more. i hung out with him and steve and i sang, and danced and by the end of the nite, i was so drunk i couldnt move (smart me right), so bryan, got me water, and fed me, and laid me down like a good friend/guy does and he stayed with me when he could have been flirting and dancing and stuff...good guy! then me and scott and rookie, and rick and joe left. we took joe and rick home to joes, and i went to scotts, i tucked rookie in and rubbed his head, he got more fucked up than i did and then i went to bed and slept until 7pm)

I got home from scotts, at around 8-830 i forgot to call dave saturday when i got to mikes but i remembered on through the nite so i called around 3 am. i left a drunken message and whatever and then i left the party arounf 5 am. then when i got home from scotts yesterday at like 8-830 i called/IMd him and we argued until we were done talking and then when i talked to him again, we argued until like 5 in the morning. it was awful. i hate argueing with him. see we always argue but hes a good guy. theres other guys that i dont argue with but are out of reach.

this is why im going to stay single nothing works out.
5 kiss*s| kiss me

Paris and Nicole [08 Jan 2005|01:24am]
SO last nite i watched the simple life whole season and i swear to god i think that show brain washes people because i fucking felt like them, i felt rich and beautiful, it was great. the whole nite, i dont know why im a fucking weirdo, or so i thought!

Well today i woke up and niki came in the room and watched the simple life i got outta there and came on here and talked to dave but she would call me on good parts, she didnt really watch it before but she did today, and she felt like them too. it was great, we ate, and then we did running around and we went shopping and came home and she watched more, and we're like paris and nicole for sure, but we're piere and Niki. and we're great just like them too, we're the poor nicole and paris.

so ive realized i love this girl and she loves me, not like that i got guys for that, but i mean where would i be without niki she tries to cheer me up whenever im an emo kid, and she said today "Jake cheers me up everytime im sad, i dont know waht it is but he does it" and most of the time its on opposite days and if we're both sad on the same day we compromise, like some how she'll over come her emoness to make me not and ill do the same, its like a team effort. and i dont think i could live with anyone else, maybee chantal, but besides that not...nobody, because no matter how mad she makes me i cant stay mad at her, and i think she could never stay mad at me. because we're a team. and team work.

ok on a nother note, tomorrows going to be off the hook,i got joe his gift for christmas, and i got a gag gift (since im poor)for his birthday, i will tell you tomorrow i dont want him to read this. but whatever, i love him hes tight as all hell. and we're so close, and thats weird considering i wanted him dead in 2003 and he hated me even more. now i dont know what id do without him. and theres one thing i can thank todd for, making that promise that id be nice to joe, because without that promise, id be nowhere, and now im somewhere, good for something eh!

~Chantal when you get back we are going kareoaking (i dont know how to spell it)
kiss me

word [07 Jan 2005|10:24pm]
Simply YOU.
What you go by:jake
How you feel at this exact moment:hyper real hyper
What youre wearing:red YMCA shirt, and jeans
Your cold/hot:hott
Where do you wish you were:with dave
With who:with dave
Last drink:mount. dew
Last meal/snack:pizza
Last song you heard:loose your self *eminem
Last TV show watched:THS:eminem
Last words spoken:"thats hott"
Last cry:i dont know but thats weird i always cry (i will tonite though)
Last laugh:today for sure
Where you want to live:roseville
Career:journalism (cosmo. on the side)
Marriage:of course
Car:i dont care, something that drives
House/Apartment/Condo:house eventually, but itd be sweet to live with a love or best friend in an apartment
Song(s):mocking bird *eminem* (im going to sing it to my child)
Color(s):green (sometimes blue and red)
Opposite sex hair color:idc
Opposite sex eye color:something deep
Snack(s):pizza rolls, pizzsa, chips, gold fish
Season:spring season of LOVE (even though im a loser)

kiss me

[07 Jan 2005|03:36pm]
1. Reply with your name and I will say something about you.
2. I will tell you what song(s) remind me of you.
3. I will attempt to think of a word that accurately describes you.
4. You can put this in your journal if you want


1~your are my favorite person in thw world to party wit...mmm gossip!
2~hey pretty- poe
4~you're off thw hook

that is about me ^^^


JOE your the fucking best, and it was good because you love me, and i will see you saturday and it'll be off hte hookizzle saturday nite...for real though!
1 kiss*| kiss me

[06 Jan 2005|09:05pm]
ok so dave just left and it was nice and hes taking me out tomorrow, thats hott. i just watched the whole season on the simple life can you fucking tell, you smell like onions. omg im hott.

so i got new, vintage, man magazines, they are so funnie, its great. me and niki sat and made fun of the hairy and ugly guys in the mags, and their peters its funnie. i like making fun of people is that bad, its the paris in me.

ive watched never been kissed like 3 times since yesterday. i cried this morning when i watched it, the rest of it i missed when i fell asleep. i cried. that movie gets me all the time. My favorite part is when my girl josie is talking about love in the begining and its so sweet sometimes that part gets me too.

ANyways people would think that im high today, but in all acctuality im the happiest ive been in along time, im just really really happy. but whatever though. hit me up!
3 kiss*s| kiss me

[06 Jan 2005|04:08pm]
i am frustrated, men make me sick or is it just that i make my self sick wanting to be with one. i dont know but whatever. why cant things be like tv!
5 kiss*s| kiss me

[02 Jan 2005|10:10pm]
so today i woke up with a killer hang over, what a surprise right, tequilla and captains will do that to ya! well anyways i got home about 5, and went to bed after masturbating then i woke up got ready and left about 230 for the family event totally hung over, not even showered, and i had fun surprisingly. my dads side is not usually fun! then i came home did some stuff to my paper, went grocery shopping and now im here and im lazy cause i ate too much at the family event! damn what a waste of a day! but i had fun!
kiss me

hung over [02 Jan 2005|01:43pm]
so ive got my family party in about an hour and a half and im so hung over its not even funnie! i had fun dont get me wrong but i shouldve just stayed home and drank and then woke up because i got there and just slammed shit, shots, drinks, whatever and then i was trashed and by that time everyone was gone so there was nothing, we didnt get there until atleast 1 though! but i had fun and i got mcdonalds on the way home, and didnt mess around/kiss anyone. ryan was there though, mike had his jokes aobut that one, but whatever ryans kewl and we're like the smallest guys besides jeff there. we are the twinks as people call us, and we see each other at every party ive ever been too. my first gay party i went to i met ryan and i havent stopped since. its fucked up we're like the party kids! anyways im rambling simply because im hung over and dont know what else to do with my life. i should be getting ready, but im lazy and yea fuck off!
kiss me

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